Crafting a life that feels authentic gets messy in your thirties. With bills piling up, brunch plans constantly being rearranged, and the unsettling realization that every decision feels permanent, you might find yourself questioning whether you missed a secret class somewhere between your twenties.
If you’re nodding your head, welcome to the club. Below, we’ll delve into nine thoughts that many in their thirties often wrestle with – thoughts that may resonate deeply yet offer a sense of solidarity.
1. Did I Pick the Right Career?
Picture this: you’re scrolling through LinkedIn, and suddenly, a wave of doubt washes over you. Did I take a wrong turn back in 2012? You’re not alone; modern career paths can feel like tightropes suspended above uncertainty. The notion of stability can seem more myth than fact.
Psychologist Erik Erikson described adulthood as a delicate balance between intimacy and generativity—the drive to create something lasting. If your work isn’t fueling this urge, that unsettled feeling will keep you awake at night.
Pro tip: Create a list of what your job provides—skills, purpose, or just enough money for rent. If that list seems thin, it might be time to explore side gigs or passion projects that can clarify your path.
2. Am I Falling Behind My Friends?
Watching friends buy houses while you’re renewing your apartment lease can trigger a bout of comparisonitis. Suddenly, your living space feels a tad cramped, and the shadows of envy creep in.
Social comparison is a natural human instinct, but the amplified effects of social media can be a mood killer. Consider this: we can’t quit platforms like Instagram completely (it’s often our music discovery hub). Instead, curate your feed—mute those who trigger FOMO and follow those who inspire action.
Remember, your journey is yours to measure. Progress is best compared against your own past, not someone else’s highlight reel.
3. Is This Relationship What I Really Want?
Doubts about relationships often peak around 30, when stakes feel higher than ever. You might yearn for stability but also fear the idea of “settling.”
To gauge your feelings, try the Tuesday test. Envision a typical Tuesday five years from now, complete with the same partner and the usual routines. Does this mental image fill you with joy or panic?
Couples therapist Esther Perel reminds us: "The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships." If this test weighs heavy on your mind, don’t hesitate to initiate an open and honest conversation now—before life’s complexities complicate decisions.
4. Should I Buy or Rent?
Owning a home used to symbolize a rite of passage, but today it often feels like navigating a labyrinth of spreadsheets. With rising interest rates and rising avocado prices, it’s critical to evaluate your options.
After crunching my numbers recently, I discovered that buying could confine me to a neighborhood I might not love long-term. Renting, in contrast, allows for flexibility—perfect if your work or wanderlust beckons.
Finance experts call this optionality. If flexibility is more valuable to you than property equity, choosing to rent is not a setback; it’s a strategic move.
5. Is My Body Already Past Its Peak?
It hit me one morning when I pulled a hamstring reaching for my coffee: metabolism doesn’t last forever. But here’s the silver lining—research from the Journal of Applied Physiology shows that we can continue to build muscle and improve our health well into our forties.
Instead of lamenting the body you once had, focus on optimizing the one you currently inhabit. Regular strength training and daily walks can outshine most miracle supplements you see advertised.
6. What Do I Actually Believe?
After decades, many of us begin to feel that inherited beliefs—such as family traditions and political views—can feel as if we’re wearing someone else’s clothes.
I personally turned vegan after exploring Dr. Melanie Joy’s work, yet it wasn’t until a backpacking trip through Vietnam that I truly interrogated my cultural influences. According to author Alain de Botton, genuine philosophy begins when we start questioning our assumptions.
Keep a “beliefs journal” and jot down knee-jerk opinions. Reflect on where they stem from. This exercise honors your beliefs, helping you own them rather than simply accept them.
7. Am I Wasting My Potential?
This word—potential—lingers in our minds through classrooms and performance reviews alike.
I once had a guitar teacher tell me I had what it took to go pro; instead, I got wrapped up in practicality. Dr. Carol Dweck from Harvard argues that potential isn’t static—it evolves with our efforts.
In practical terms, set micro-goals: finish a project, publish a blog, or record a song. Each small achievement reaffirms that you’re actively using, not losing, your potential.
8. How Much Time Do I Have Left?
The average thirty-something has about 2,500 Saturdays before hitting sixty. I did the math on a napkin and promptly shut my laptop to book a camping trip.
Mortality math might sound grim, but it can spark clarity. As the Roman poet Seneca wisely stated, “It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.” Make the most of your weekends; treat them like limited-edition vinyl—play them intentionally.
9. Will Life Ever Feel Enough?
Let’s face it: you complete one goal, and another one pops up as if conjured by magic. This phenomenon, known as hedonic adaptation, means we often revert to a baseline level of happiness.
Shift your focus from mere achievement to engagement and meaning. Opt for experiences that create flow rather than superficial milestones. Personally, volunteering monthly at a community garden does wonders for my sense of “enoughness” that no pay raise could replicate.
Final Thoughts
Questioning everything isn’t a signal that you’re in trouble; it’s a sign that your inner software is undergoing a crucial mid-life update.
So take a moment. Embrace the questions, install new perspectives, and keep pushing forward. Though you may not resolve every dilemma this week, honor each inquiry with genuine curiosity—and perhaps find joy in the transformation along the way.
