On a fateful Monday evening, during AMC’s Screen Unseen event—where eager moviegoers revel in the mystery of surprise screenings—**Jurassic World: Rebirth** took center stage. Anticipation ran high, but unfortunately, the film failed to deliver anything beyond mediocrity.
Note: I’m not swayed by studio perks—Universal never graces my doorstep with cash, nor are there review embargoes to cloud my judgment.
As I revealed in my out-of-theater reaction, **Jurassic World: Rebirth** is, at its best, a cinematic stumble. It falls into the trap of repetitive and nonsensical plot devices that make you question the intelligence of the filmmakers. This film throws a mix of environmental themes and an anti-big pharma narrative, but sadly, its execution leaves a lot to be desired.
An Uneven Start
From the very first minutes, as the film opens with a flashback to a covert lab developing *mutant dinosaurs*, the absurdities begin. Picture this: hazmat suits abound, and one character casually lifts his visor to munch on a Snickers. This careless act leads to an *utterly ridiculous* mishap that unleashes chaos (and mutant dinosaurs) on the unsuspecting world. The cringe factor kicks in almost instantly—what were they thinking?
Character and Plot: A Disappointing Combination
The characters feel cardboard cutouts—names like Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali are attached, yet their performances are as uninspired as the formulaic plot. The predictability is staggering; I witnessed audience members darting to the restroom, completely uninterested in what they might miss. It was a clear sign: this film does not hold its viewers’ attention.
The grand reveal of the main villain is another misstep. The mutant dinosaur, designed to be the film’s crowning achievement, barely graces the screen and ends up resembling a poorly conceived hybrid of a dinosaur and a Xenomorph—get ready to cringe.
The Plot Holes and Absurdities
Let’s dive into what I affectionately call the “dumb shit” of the movie. One major blunder? The mercenaries hired to tackle dinosaur threats seem to **have forgotten** their weapons. It’s baffling! With trillions of dollars on the line and a supposed team of professionals, not a gun in sight? It undermines any semblance of tension or threat.
Absurdity on Repeat
In one moment, characters hint that guns are ineffective against the dinosaurs’ tough hides. Yet, moments later, we see Johansson take one down with a mere pistol. Seriously, where are the *automatic weapons*? The plot demands that mercenaries collect dinosaur blood for a blockbuster heart medication formula, yet they venture into the wilds weaponless. The layers of irony are thick and quite frankly, stale.
A Few Bright Spots
Amid the chaos, there are fleeting moments of excitement. A thrilling sequence reminiscent of *Jaws* and another featuring *velociraptors* briefly recapture attention, but these are mere blips in an ocean of disappointment. As the climax arrives, the mutant dinosaur’s reveal falls flat, delivering yet another round of “dumb stuff” that leaves the audience feeling cheated.
The Final Verdict
In summary, **Jurassic World: Rebirth** appears to be crafted for an audience devoid of critical thought. It seems to patronize its viewers, presuming they’ll accept any nonsense thrown their way. If mindless action is your jam, you might find some joy in this film; otherwise, it’s best to give it a miss.
**Jurassic World: Rebirth** earns a **3/10**. Save your ticket money for something that respects your intelligence.
