Rebel Wilson’s Bride Hard: A Wedding Movie Worth Breaking Up With
If you’re hoping for a wedding film that marries chaos with comedy, Bride Hard may not be the one. Directed by Simon West, known for action classics like Con Air, this flick attempts to blend the worlds of wedding hijinks with nail-biting suspense, but unfortunately, it stumbles into mediocrity.
A Chaotic Concept
Imagine taking the typical wedding movie, mixing in a desperate hostage situation, and infusing it with Rebel Wilson’s frenetic energy. What do you get? Bride Hard, a film that tries to make you laugh, but mostly leaves you cringing. The movie meanders through a weak script, featuring Viking-clad strippers, gunfire, and a level of pacing that wouldn’t feel out of place on the Hallmark Channel.
The Plot: More Miss than Hit
Wilson plays Sam, a secret agent who is as lethal with her elbow as she is creative under pressure. Yet, her personal life is a hot mess. Accompanied by her agent friend, portrayed by Sherry Cola, the film tries to depict Sam’s comedic failings with lines that fall flat. One memorable quote, “I will give you all of your flowers on the job, but in your real life, you’re kind of dumb,” typifies the humor that often doesn’t land.
The story kicks off when Sam reunites with her childhood best friend, Betsy (played by Pitch Perfect‘s Anna Camp), in Paris for a bachelorette party that spirals wildly out of control. When they arrive in a lavish mansion on a private island in Savannah, Georgia, things go from festive to frantic as armed goons target a stash of gold bars—yes, gold bars.
Farcical Yet Flawed Execution
Screenwriters Cece Pleasants and Shaina Steinberg attempt to parody both spy thrillers and wedding comedies, but the execution lacks coherence. Instead of clever humor, we’re met with an assortment of oddball jokes—think electrocutions and impalements mingling awkwardly with bathroom humor.
The dialogue often veers into cringe territory. For instance, when a character says, "She’s using the chocolate fountains as cover!" it’s clear that the audience is already in on the joke.
While there are moments that grasp at creativity—like Sam using hairspray as a defensive weapon—these flashes of brilliance are overshadowed by uninspired plots. One especially baffling scene has a stressed-out pregnant bridesmaid requesting a raunchy song for a sing-along, only to get the radio edit. It’s moments like this that render what could be a comedic triumph into a bewildering misfire.
Notable Performances and Shortcomings
The film stars Stephen Dorff as the main antagonist, while Justin Hartley serves as the eye candy with secrets to hide. Actresses Anna Chlumsky and Da’Vine Joy Randolph bring some flair, but even they struggle to elevate the lackluster material.
One of the most puzzling sequences involves the bridesmaids—themselves donned in fluffy red gowns—upgrading their wedding arsenal with Revolutionary-era cannons. This absurdity might have worked in a different context, but here, it simply feels forced.
Final Thoughts: Should You Watch It?
So, should you rush to the theaters to catch Bride Hard? With its R rating for sexual references and violence, along with a runtime of 105 minutes, this film might serve better as background noise during a gathering than as a must-see cinematic experience.
If you do decide to check it out, bring along your emotional support pillows, if for nothing else than to provide some comfort during this historic misfire.
Bride Hard releases in theaters this Friday, and while there’s a glimmer of potential, it ultimately feels like a wedding you might want to leave early. With zero stars out of four, consider this one a no-go for discerning audiences.
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