Movie Review: Rebel Wilson’s ‘Bride Hard’ — A Wedding Flick That’s Hard to Love
When you think of a classic wedding film, you might envision heartfelt moments filled with laughter and romance. But throw in a hostage situation and the chaotic energy of Rebel Wilson, and you get “Bride Hard.” This movie attempts to merge genres, but can it truly deliver the joy and excitement we crave from a wedding movie? The answer is a resounding no.
A Recipe for Disaster
An Unlikely Blend of Genres
"Bride Hard" attempts to fuse comedy with action, featuring Viking-themed male strippers and some truly wild antics involving automatic weapons. However, the film falls flat, lacking the wit or thrill one would expect from a Hollywood production. Instead, it mirrors the slow pacing and tepid acting commonly associated with Hallmark Channel movies.
Directorial Decisions
Directed by Simon West, known for his work on “Con Air” and “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider,” the film seems to tread a fine line—sometimes appearing to parody itself until it simply stops trying. The overall vibe is reminiscent of a low-budget ’80s movie you might stumble upon in a discount bin at your local video store.
The Plot: A Chaotic Bachelorette Party
Wilson stars as Sam, a secret agent reminiscent of classics like “Mission Impossible.” She battles her own demons while awkwardly navigating her personal life. “I’ll give you all your flowers on the job, but in your real life, you’re kind of dumb,” quips her agent friend, played by Sherry Cola. This sums up the film’s humor: lackluster and uninspired.
A Disastrous Reunion
The film kicks off with Sam reuniting with her childhood best friend, Betsy (Anna Camp), for a bachelorette party in Paris. Unfortunately, Sam’s mission to track down a dangerous bioweapon results in chaos, setting the stage for a comedic disaster.
Transition to the Wedding
The action quickly shifts to a lavish mansion on a private island in Savannah, Georgia, where a wedding is underway—until armed goons disrupt the festivities aiming to steal gold bars. Yes, gold bars—the kind of ridiculous plot twist that feels like it belongs in a cartoon.
Screenplay Woes: Attempted Humor Falls Flat
Written by Cece Pleasants and Shaina Steinberg, the screenplay attempts to mock both spy thrillers and wedding movies. Yet, it fails miserably, opting for excessive violence over genuine comedy. Expect plenty of groin kicks, impalements, and unoriginal jokes.
Dialogue That Misses the Mark
Take, for example, this line: “Oh, Sam, you’re alone,” says the mother of the bride. “Well, no. I have my emotional support boobs,” responds Sam. If you’re hoping for clever quips, prepare to be disappointed.
An Unfortunate Lack of Cohesion
Tone Issues
The film struggles with tone, swinging between slapstick humor and serious threats without any rhyme or reason. A line remarking, “If anyone ever mentions that I’m a secret agent, we will rendition you to one of our many unnamed bases,” lands with an uncomfortable thud.
Highlighting the Wedding Chaos
Despite the flaws, there are moments worth mentioning, like hairspray battles and champagne clubs—it’s a wedding movie, after all. But even these action sequences are marred by clumsy execution and awkward moments, such as a stressed-out bridesmaid singing the explicit “My Neck, My Back” to her unborn child.
The Ensemble Cast
“Bride Hard” features a star-studded cast, including Stephen Dorff as the primary villain, Justin Hartley as eye candy, and Anna Chlumsky as the frazzled maid of honor. Unfortunately, even they can’t save this sinking ship, with all actors appearing to be in desperate need of a new agent.
A Battle for the Ages
Brace yourself for an absurd battle scene where bridesmaids in fluffy red gowns take on mercenaries using Revolutionary-era cannons. This ridiculous climax is rife with jokes that don’t land, such as awkward sexual innuendos.
Conclusion: Should You Watch "Bride Hard"?
Ultimately, “Bride Hard” is a comedic misfire that dazzles with uninspired humor and a troublesome plot. If you’re considering spending your hard-earned cash to see it in theaters, think twice. Instead, you may want to save your viewing for a future free streaming release—just make sure to bring your emotional support of choice.
"Bride Hard," a Magenta Light Studios release, hits theaters this Friday and is rated R for sexual references and some violence. The film runs for 105 minutes and receives a dismal zero stars out of four.
